Newborns in Theaters

I really have to question both the intelligence and audacity of parents that decide it’s a genius idea to bring their audibly challenged toddlers into establishments that demand quiet like libraries and theaters. You realize some people in this establishment are trying to read or watch a movie, right? Yes, believe it or not. When order a movie ticket, I’m doing so because I expect go in and see the movie. Crazy, right? Utter insanity, I know. That I would go into a theater and come out less than an amused due to noise, of all things. I’m just a fuckin’ snowflake, aren’t I? I should just put up with your kids everywhere go, because they’re my kids too, right? No, fuck face. You decided to bring those noisy goddamn things into the world. You wanna maybe leave them at home so I don’t have to come over there and toss them the fuck out myself? I’m seeing this goddamn movie, man. I will go up and there and rewind it myself. You’re not fucking me out of my money just because your inconsiderate ass decided, ya know what, “they can see it again when it comes out. I ain’t got anywhere to put the little shit.”

Hmm, sounds to me like you’re an unprepared, shitty, half-ass, drive-by, divorce culture-esque  parent—in which case, I feel no sympathy for you. Get fucked. Seriously. However shitty you may think your life is, I can only expect one thousands of times worse in quality for your children in the distant future. If you do not live vicariously through your children 100% and feel totally detached from your old self, your “dreams”, ambitions, and all of that—then you’re not a parent. Do you really think your two year old comprehends this movie, and gives a flying goddamn about it? Of course not, because you’re here for you, asshole. Only fucking you. You’re an abusive human that’s had sex with probably another abusive human, and have forced life, hamfisted it if you will, into a baby that should not have been (and that’s not an argument for abortion). Nevertheless, it’s a reprehensible decision and it has mad ripples in space time.

Parenting as you go: not very effective. Ya wanna know how to parent well before the responsibility comes down on you. Nature and nurture are what will directly shape your kids to be the way they are in the future. Nature being their physiological traits, advantages, disadvantages, etc., and nurture being of course you. You + Kid = Adult. Get it? Therefore, shitty adult = Bad nature + Bad nurture. That may sound to you lazy, postmodern types that think divorce isn’t such a big deal—like that’s a fair game there. Bad nature, ya say? So little Timmy is responsible, a little. Great for me, right? Wrong. Bad nature is the result of shitty gene combination. You know who can help you determine not only if your genes are “good”, but what “type” of person you should be reproducing with: Planned Parenthood. Too bad the only thing people use them for are to kill babies. It’s a shame too. I mean some of these fuckers even wanted to have the kids that they have. But did they give a goddamn what they were doing with their genitals at the genetic level? Of course not. They were horny and they decided to play God. 

I can only imagine how much of blackhole of need you are and an utter sociopath you must be if you’re going to bring an infant into a movie theater. I’m sorry to reiterate. But that honestly blows my mind. It’s like if you heard a white guy go up to a random black guy and say—dead ass emotionless, “Hi, nigger.” It’s that level of blowing my mind. Get it? It has me thinking, “Wow. Does such a person really exist and do they really do that?! Oh my God!” I’m not in favor of the death penalty or anything, but honestly I’m curious, how haven’t you been shot, stabbed, or beaten to death, yet? I mean we’re trying to run a civilized fucking society here. So if you’re going to violate that social standard that every autistic cunt and his mother knows, then fuck if I fucking know what the hell us you do in your spare time, fuckin’, egomaniacal, piece of shit.

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