Holy hell is lying fun. Don’t lie. Is it as reprehensible as society makes it out to be? Well, that depends on a ton of factors, namely: the lie. 

  • The person you’re lying to matters, because certain people—you just don’t lie to. Your spouse, your doctor, a judge. If you’re going to lie, don’t lie to these people, for it is not in your best interest.
  • The lie in particular is even more important though. Is it a white lie, or a full on lie? A white line in case you’re wondering is a lie that from the liar’s perspective, seems to cause no harm. A full on lie in contrast is a lie, usually told out of desperation, that causes ripples of consequences for the liar.
  • There’s another kind of lie that blurs the line between the two types: the mission lie. This is the kind of lie you’re told by car dealers. It’s hearing “I love you” enough times to get romantic. It’s being told how “great” your country is throughout school, so that you don’t grow up to question why it is that your own government will deprive you of rights anytime, anywhere for any reason if it benefits them.

Now, why would you, a moral expert want to lie?

Quite simple. Capitalism. It’s a dog eat dog world. Honest, nice, hard-working people die sooner, they get fucked last, and they don’t innovate. The kinds of people that get ahead in life cheat, steal, and manipulate. It’s all relative—this whole lying thing.

It’s in our nature to lie for fuck sake. I’ve seen newborns cry their asses off, the mother will snatch a toy away from them, and their face will go blank—feigning calmness, and as soon as the mother gives it back, the bastard starts flapping his gums again. Even before we’re even aware that we’re conscious, we fucking lie! “It’s all good, man. It’s all good. I’m cool, I’m good. You can give me back my toy now.”

The problem, not that you can or should fix it, is capitalism—freedom of choice. Because people are free to live their lives—ish, people tend to have secrets across these different walks of lives, ya see. Secrets, in case you’re unfamiliar, are meant to be kept within a certain group of people. That’s what makes them secrets, as opposed to public information. In order to keep secrets, when you’re on the brink of revealing one, guess what the fuck ya gotta do, soldier? Das riiiite. Ya gotta fucking lie. Ya morally superior, fart sniffing faggot, you. You have to swallow your goddamn “principles” for a minute, put down your Starbucks cup, clear your throat, and “tell a distorted version of the truth.”